I was scrolling down my tumblr dashboard when I came across this question. And it made me really think about what goes through my mind before I fall asleep.
Firstly, you guys should know I don’t fall asleep easily and before I started seeing a therapist I had regular nightmares. Before I went to bed each night it became a habit for me to think about what I want to dream about, I also do that when I wake up from a nightmare.
I realized that before I go to sleep at night I think about things that are my ‘fairytale’ probably will only happen if I have a fairy godmother hanging around somewhere. I think about being happy before going to sleep. Happiness is a feeling I don’t think people give enough credit to because if someone is happy then they’re set for life. I truly believe happiness is key to everyone’s problems.
My happiness would include my brother doing well in school. My dad’s business finally working for him instead of sucking away his happiness. My bio dad calling me more. My mom finding someone to spend the rest of her life with, where she wouldn’t have to struggle and stress financially me. And me, my happiness would also be if I could just love myself.
You’re probably wondering why I haven’t been posting and that’s because I’m just not sure what I want to right about. I’ll start lots post and they’re all in my drafts unfinished. That’s a problem I’m trying to figure out – the fact that I’m having trouble finishing anything.
I think I need to figure out how to plan things out and stick to said plans. I need to figure out how to sort things out so that I spend my time on the right things. But my healthy lifestyle is also on a downward spiral. I cannot seem to stick to anything. Like I have commitment issues.
I need a sort of blank slate. I’ve been having anxiety symptoms so I went to see a psychologist turns out I’m having the early stages of anxiety. Joy -_-. It’s something that’s hereditary. She said that I should start to write in a journal which will help me to get out what I need to and it’s also something I can control because I also feel like I’m not in control. It’s another reason I haven’t been posting because anything that could have gone on my blog is in my aqua blue journal that I luuurve with all my being.